


But only for tonight

by Meggs13



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Broken Promises, Emotional Baggage, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Lover, Past Relationship(s), broken relationship, slight mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:04:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meggs13/pseuds/Meggs13
Summary: Baekhyun thought that Chanyeol was out of his life for good, but one night he shows up on his doorstep asking for a place to stay... Baek isn't sure though, should he send him away, keeping his vow never to let his ex back into his life? or should he let him in?"Fine, you can stay... But only for tonight"





	But only for tonight

The knock comes in the middle of the night, when the rest of the world should be sleeping, shutting off their brains for the recommended six to eight hours of sleep, and preparing for what stresses the day will bring. 

But this particular knock comes with a promise that sleep is no longer an option for the dweller of the apartment said door is attached to. A certain Byun Baekhyun, who's anything but pleasant without this mentioned sleep, but someone felt it acceptable to knock on his door at this ungodly hour, so the least he can do is go answer this person who apparently has a nice set of balls.

Baekhyun shuffles down the hallway, his fuzzy hot pink slippers making an obnoxious scraping noise across the wood, but he's to deep in his 'just woken up' haze that it barely registers in his 'things I care about' folder.

He reaches the door after a few knocks were added to the previous one and flips on the hallway light before unlocking the deadbolt. The small, still half asleep boy, tries to shake some of the fog out of his head before pulling the door open, but once he does so and is greeted by who's on the other side of the door, he's suddenly wide awake, as if someone had thrown a whole bucket of ice water onto his body.

He blinks once. twice. three times. His brain fights to form a sentence, but the irregular beating of his heart is the only thing he can seem to focus on.

The person that stands on the other side of the door smiles sheepishly and lifts a hand as if to greet the boy, but also seeming to show that he means no harm.  

'Funny coming from the person who broke me into a million pieces'  Baekhyun thinks, suddenly feeling like he hasn't gotten nearly enough sleep for this.

"H-hey, Baek... I know it's late and I honestly don't even know what compelled me to come to you of all people... but I kind of ran into some trouble and I really need a place to crash" the tall boy says, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

Baekhyun's jaw clenchs as his heart reacts so easily to the deep, rumbling sound of his voice. Even after all this time, after everything he did, this man still makes his heart flutter and his stomach turn.

Park Chanyeol, Baekhyun's ex of almost a little over three years. They had been together for about five years, meeting their junior year in college and becoming inseparable quickly after first meeting. They dated briefly, soon becoming boyfriends through their last years at university, then moving in together after graduating. Moving in to this very apartment actually, planning on making a life with each other.

Or at least that's what Baekhyun had been planning for, but clearly Chanyeol had different ideas for his own life.

Baekhyun sighs and leans against the door frame "what kind of trouble, I'm not harboring a fugitive, Chanyeol"

Chanyeol shakes his head dramatically, his eyes almost comically wide "no, it's not like that, I just... the airport lost my bags and all of my money and official papers are missing, they said they'll probably have it by tomorrow, but I don't have a place to stay tonight. I would have called Junmyun or Kyungsoo... but I kind of lost touch with them after..."

"After you packed your things and left me without even an explanation of why or where you were going?" Baekhyun finished for him, almost taking a bit of satisfaction in the way the words make his ex flinch.

Chanyeol nods "uh, yeah... maybe I shouldn't have come... I-I knew this was a bad idea, a stupid idea... I'm sorry, Baek, I shouldn't have bothered you" 

Baekhyun chuckles without humor "oh, so now i get an apology?"

Chanyeol lowers his head "I-I really am sorry"

"For what exactly?"

Chanyeol shrugs "for coming over here in the middle of the night and waking you up, asking something of you that I don't even deserve to ask for let alone receive"

Baekhyun lifts an eyebrow "that's the only thing you're sorry for?"

Chanyeol looks up into the eyes of the man he once loved more than life itself "yes, because no apology said could ever make up for what I did, nothing I say will ever fix what I did to you, so I won't even bother saying sorry over something sorry isn't enough for"

Baekhyun blinks at Chanyeol a couple times before signing and stepping back opening the door wide "fine, you can stay... but only for tonight"

......

"I'm sure you remember what the couch feels like" Baekhyun comments as he lays out a couple pillows and a blanket at the end of the large sofa.

Chanyeol nods and breaths in a sigh "I remember many a night with this thing... Hello old friend" he says patting the couch affectionately.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes "well I'll leave you two to get reacquainted, I'll be in the other room if you need anything, but i suggest you not to wake me up unless it's immensely important"

Chanyeol snorts "I remember that too, Baek. Trust me, I won't wake you up again, I value my life too much"

Baekhyun sigh and nods "well... Goodnight"

He begins to walk away, but strangely feels like he's being watched, almost as if a gaze is piercing a hole right through him. It's  just way too late to try and think about the meaning or the reason to why his ex would be staring at him like this, though.

Baekhyun shrugs it off and makes his way to his room, exhausted and desperately in need of at least another hour of sleep.

......

Sleep doesn't come back to Baekhyun however, with the constant reminder of why his mind seems to be so restless, tossing and turning out on the couch. He chooses not to fight it, and just decides to get up and get ready for work earlier than planned. 

Baekhyun throws on a tight pair of skinny jeans and a nice red button-up, tucked in and complete with a set of suspenders to give everything a pulled together look. As the senior editor of one of Korea's top style magazines, it's important to be on top of his style game.

The small brunette makes his way out of his room then and starts clanking around in the kitchen, looking for the coffee filters that he bought yesterday but forgot where he put them.

"Check the drawer with the plastic bags" a deep husky voice says behind him, forcing a small squeak from his lips as he jumps slightly, slamming one of the cabinet doors.

Baekhyun clears his throat, but doesn't say a word, checking the drawer as suggested, and finding exactly what he was looking for.

A deep chuckle sounds through the small kitchen "you always used put them there after you bought them, until I moved them to the cabinet above the coffee maker"

Baekhyun's hands shake slightly as he scoops the caffeinated grounds into the filer and turns the maker on "do you want some?"

Chanyeol sighs "yeah, that'd be great"

The smaller of the two nods and pulls out a mug along with travel cup from the cabinet, absentmindedly placing the coffee filters into the space above the currently brewing maker.

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten rid of that old thing by now" Chanyeol comments, moving to sit at the small table in the corner of the room.

Baekhyun looks back at the other, finally noticing that Chanyeol clearly hasn't gotten any more sleep than he has "I like this thing"

Chanyeol chuckles "i figured with your fancy new job you'd have one of those fancy coffee makers"

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow "how do you know about my job?"

Chanyeol freezes, blinking slowly "well I just happened to hear about it, I mean that magazine is pretty huge, even outside of Korea"

The smaller nods slowly "so...what are you doing now?"

Chanyeol smiles happily, but there's some bitterness just underneath it "I'm a music producer at SM, just as I always wanted to be, I write and compose music, I work with some pretty well known artists and I get to travel all over... Living my dream"

Baekhyun sighs "sounds like we both ended up where we wanted"

Chanyeol mimics the older "yeah, seems like it"

A couple seconds of awkward and rough silence presents its self to the two men standing in the kitchen. Baekhyun whips out his phone and starts going through emails and his schedule for today.

"So what brings you back to Korea? I assume you were out of the country, since you said the airline misplaced your bags" Baekhyun nonchalantly asks without looking up from his phone.

"Yeah, uh, I was in the states for about six months, working with a new artist the company is signing" Chanyeol answers, watching the petite brunette carefully.

Baekhyun nods, then turns around realizing the coffee is finally done "cool"

Baekhyun places the mug on the table for the taller and fills up his own cup, throwing some sugar into the black liquid for a sweeter flavor "well I have to get to the office, I assume you know how to operate everything in the apartment, so I'll just leave you. If your bags come back before I get home, just lock up the place behind you"

Chanyeol sips at the dark liquid, tasting the satisfying roasted bean flavor enter his mouth that only Baekhyun has been able to make exactly to his taste, even after all of these years. Coffee just doesn't taste the same if not made by the small spunky brunette.

"Hey, Baek" Chanyeol calls as he hears the other putting on his shoes by the door.

"Yeah?" Baekhyun answers, thanking the heavens his voice doesn't waver at the sound of his ex-lover calling out his nickname.

"Thanks for this" the younger calls, sounding a bit distant than just in the other room, but Baekhyun chooses to ignore it. Whatever is going through the younger's head is no longer his business, he made that clear when he walked out three years ago.

Baekhyun chooses not to answer, not that it would make a different either way. Chanyeol isn't back in his life, the boy forcefully removed himself and him showing up at Baekhyun's door to crash on his couch means nothing but that he was out of options. Chanyeol will get his bags back, he'll leave Baekhyun's apartment, and everything will go back to the way it was. Back to normal, as if his ex hadn't suddenly barged back into his life, stirring up familiar feelings and old memories pushed down long ago. 

Chanyeol doesn't belong in his life anymore, and that's just the way it is, Baekhyun knows this, accepts this. But it doesn't stop the pain that he feels when he tell himself this.

>>>>>

"Earth to Baekhyun" a voice rings through Baekhyun's ears pulling him out of his thoughts.

The brown haired boy shakes his head and sits up straight in his desk chair "uh sorry, Lu. What's up?"

Luhan glances worriedly at Junmyun standing next to him "yeah, that's what we want to know, what's up with you Baek, you've been out of it all day"

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, unprepared for what revealingly the events of last night will bring "something happened last night"

Luhan lifts an eyebrow and sits down in the chair in front of Baekhyun's desk, pulling Junmyun to sit in the one next to him "what happened?" The blond prods, giving his friend an intense look.

"Chanyeol showed up at my door"

Junmyun stands up immediately, a disgusted curl taking over his lips "what? Why? Where is that gigantic shit, I'm going to kick his ass"

Baekhyun laughs at the sudden father like outburst from his oldest friend "sit down dad before you hurt yourself, he's probably long gone by now anyway"

"Did you sleep with him?" Luhan asks raising a brow, he wasn't around while Chanyeol was still apart of Baekhyun's life, but he's heard enough stories from their friends to know exactly who the guy is.

Baekhyun bites at his lip, furrowing his brows "no, of course not"

Luhan nods then a thoughtful look crosses his face "would you have if he offered?"

Baekhyun thinks about it for a couple seconds, would he have slept with Chanyeol if it had been brought up? Would he have turned him down if the option had been there?

"Uh... No?" 

A collective sigh is shared between Luhan and Junmyeon, before his oldest friend speaks "Baekhyun, I love Chanyeol... I really do. He will always be like a little brother to me, but after what he did to you... I... Baek I don't want you to get hurt again"

Baekhyun nods, not hearing anything he hasn't told himself "I know, Junnie. I know you're worried, but trust me a bit, ok? I've got everything under control"

Luhan rolls his eyes "well when this 'under control' situation, blows up in your face, we can finally try that dark and edgy magazine issue we haven't had the balls to produce"

Baekhyun snorts and throws a pen at the blond as he heads for the door "get out of my office you optimistic pain in my ass"

Junmyeon, doesn't seem convinced over Baekhyun's words either, but still stands to leave him to his work "well call me when the bastard leaves, we can go get drinks and trash talk our ex's"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes "just forgive the poor guy already Junnie. He said he was sorry like a million times and has sent you a small fortune worth of apology gifts. The guy's a doctor for crying out loud, he doesn't always have the mental compactly to save people's lives and remember your birthday"

Junmyeon sticks his tongue out "I'll forgive Yixing if you forgive Chanyeol"

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow "forgiveness requires an apology"

Junmyeon clears his throat, and nods shortly "I-I'm sorry, Baek, I shouldn't have said that"

Baekhyun shrugs "just know the difference Junnie, Yixing actually wants to be in your life, at least he's making an effort to make up for his mistakes"

Junmyeon glances down at the floor "have you ever thought that maybe Chanyeol wants to as well, but he just doesn't know how?" Junmyeon shrugs "I'm not saying give him a second chance, I'm just saying use this time to get answers and maybe even let go of the past... Maybe it's time to move on with your life Baek, you deserve to be happy"

Baekhyun offers his dear friend a smile and receives one in return "I'll see you for that drink, Junnie, and maybe Yixing can join us"

Junmyeon chuckles "I'll think about it"

Baekhyun winks at him "you do that, boss"

......

When Baekhyun arrives home, he finds himself almost wishing Chanyeol is still there. Not because he wants to see him or anything... He just got extra takeout and doesn't want it to go to waste, or at least that's what he keeps repeating to himself.

Once the door swings open and he struggles to keep ahold of the extra bags in his arms along with his work bag, he realizes that he is in fact as he had hoped, not alone.

Baekhyun glances up at the man standing before him, holding onto a few bags that the shorter would have definitely dropped had the taller caught them.

"S-sorry, it looked like you needed help" that deep rumbling voice explains as he rubs the back of his neck, trying his best to avoid eye contact.

Baekhyun clears his throat and straightens up "I got Chinese, so I hope you're hungry"

Then he toes off his shoes and makes his way to the kitchen, the foot falls of the giant being the only giveaway that he's following.

Baekhyun wordlessly sets out two plates and two cups, a habit he had to work hard to break for a long time, but clearly it's a habit not forgotten.

They sit down at the table and start divvying up the food, quick to begin placing it in their mouths to give the silence another name besides awkward.

"So what did you do today?" Baekhyun asks after he just can't take it anymore.

Chanyeol shrugs "I watched some tv, there was a soccer game on, and I took a shower... You changed your shampoo"

Baekhyun nods "I couldn't handle that smell anymore, it... I just didn't like it"

Chanyeol takes a deep breath "I see, uh... How was your day?"

Baekhyun takes a drink clearing his throat "good, kind of a slow day, a couple meetings and I had to make some arrangements for a photoshoot, a pretty basic day"

Chanyeol takes another bite of food "good, you didn't get a lot of sleep last night, I could tell, maybe it was good that you weren't busy"

Baek feels the corners of his mouth twitch "Junmyeon hyung said something similar"

"How is Junmyeon doing?"

"He's fine, he's got a boyfriend now and-" Baekhyun is suddenly cut off by Chanyeol's loud groan overpowering his voice.

"I-I'm sorry, but can...Can we... not do this?" Chanyeol says pushing his plate away "I- this feels too normal... Too like it use to and I-it's not right"

Baekhyun sighs and places his chopsticks down on the table "how would you like me to act Chanyeol? Do you want me to scream? Do you want me to throw things? Break down into a sobbing mess onto the floor?"

Chanyeol closes his eyes tightly "of course not, Baek... I just..."

"Well that for one isn't helping. You don't want this to be familiar? Then quit acting toward me as if you never left, the looks, the pet names, and yes, I've noticed you even checking me out... But even if we set rules about how we are suppose to conduct ourself, we will break every damn one of them... Do you know why? Because there is too much god damn history here not to feel comfortable with each other, even after all of the shit, we still fit together like a mother fucking puzzle... Poetic don't you think?"

Chanyeol bites at his lip, staring at the small boy with furrowed brows "you never use to cuss this much"

"It's a sign of being bitter, I hear getting walked out on does that to some people"

Chanyeol shakes his head "you talk about that so casually"

Baekhyun shrugs "the therapist recommend that I talk about my feeling and don't hold anything in"

"Therapist?" 

"Yeah, I started seeing one of those regularly after yo- after the incident" Baekhyun explains while shoving a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

"W-why didn't you tell me?" 

Baekhyun barks another humorless laugh "is that something people announce these days when someone randomly shows up on their doorstep after three fucking years? Oh hey Chanyeol, how you doing? Oh by the way after you left I tried to kill myself and have been going to a therapist ever since" Baekhyun sucks in a breath at the same time Chanyeol does, realizing his mistake "y-you weren't suppose to know that...j-just pretend like you didn't hear it"

Chanyeol shakes his head "p-please tell me you didn't... Please tell me you're just being dramatic right now"

Baekhyun closes his eyes "I wish I could, but it's the truth"

Chanyeol grips the table, taking in a couple of shaky breaths, fixing the smaller with an accusing look "w-why would you do that, Baek?"

"Because you didn't just hurt me, Chanyeol, you fucking destroyed me. I was completely blindsided, one day I'm making plans for our future wondering what our wedding will look like, wondering what house we'll buy once we got better jobs, wondering what we'd teach our children and the next you're... you're just gone..."

Baekhyun pauses and laughs bitterly "but you want to know the fucked up part? You want to know the really messed up part that still pisses me off to this day?" Baekhyun takes a deep breath "I found myself worried sick about you. Is he ok? Is he eating? I wonder if he's getting enough sleep? You left me, shattered me into a million pieces and all I could think about was your well being. All I could think about was your happiness... God, I really hated you for that, but the thing I hated the most was how much I didn't hate you, that I still fucking loved you so incredibly much that it tore me apart. I loved you so much that if you walked back through that door asking for my forgiveness I would have thrown myself into your fucking arms without a second thought"

Chanyeol's grasp on the table tightens "I can't and I won't ask for your forgiveness, Baek... I don't deserve that"

Baekhyun shakes his head, wiping away a rebellious tear "I don't want you to apologize or ask for my forgiveness, Yeol. I just want an explanation, I just want answers"

Chanyeol's eyes light up at the use of his old nickname, but refuses to let it show "ok, that's the least I can give you... What do you want to know?"

"How long were you thinking about walking away before you did it?" Baekhyun asks standing up and waking to the sink, placing his dish down and gripping the counter for support he might need after he gets this answer.

"Two months" Chanyeol provides honestly.

Baekhyun's heart tugs and he can already feel the stinging in his eyes "so all of that time I was waking around talking about marriage and kids, making plans, you knew that all of that wasn't even going to happen for us? You knew you wouldn't be around, hell you were probably waking up everyday thinking that you won't be there the next and you felt like this for two fucking months?"

Chanyeol sighs "it wasn't like that, it wasn't a 'I'm going to leave soon' thought, it was a 'is this what I really want' thought. All of those times you talked about marriage, kids, or just a future together in general, I would get this panicky feeling in my chest. I would alway find myself wondering 'is this what you really want? Do you want to have kids at your age, or get married? You're just out of college, are you ready to settle down just yet?"

Baekhyun swallows the lump that swelled with every word spoken from his ex "so you thought that it was a good idea to keep all of this in? All of those fears? Worries? Questions? You just decided that you weren't going to talk to your boyfriend about your anxiety about a future with him?"

Chanyeol breaths out roughly "I was an idiot back then, I was so consumed with the idea that the best years of my life were going to be taken away by all of this responsibility that I couldn't see that all of what I had, was what made it the best years of my life"

Baekhyun bites at his lip, a bitter laugh slipping past his lips "so you left me, without a single warning, you left me alone and broken just because you wanted to go out and get drunk and laid more, because you wanted to go and party away your twenties instead of trying to be a grown up" Baekhyun laughs again, loud and boisterous, but it quickly evolves into a roar of a sob.

"Baek" Chanyeol says close, too close over his shoulder.

Baekhyun whips around, finally facing the boy who broke his heart "go fuck yourself Park Chanyeol, you don't get to make me feel like this, after everything you put me through, after all of this time I've spent getting over you. No, fuck you. I hate you!"

Chanyeol nods and reaches up to wipe away the tears falling down the smaller's cheeks "I know, I'm sorry"

"You said you wouldn't apologize" Baekhyun comments, trying to blink the blurriness out of his eyes.

"I know, I just thought it was something you didn't want to hear, because I didn't think it would make up anything for you, but I can see now how much you need an apology" Chanyeol's explains, his hand still resting on Baekhyun's cheek "I didn't know it would be this hard on you, Baek. I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd fall to pieces. I thought you'd be better off without me"

Baekhyun shakes his head, his glassy eyes looking straight into Chanyeol's remorseful ones "no Chanyeol, it wasn't better. I saw forever with you stupid, and then one day you're just gone, the only validation that you ever existed at all was that others remembered you... It hurt so bad, Channie"

In the same second another sob breaks through Baekhyun's lips, Chanyeol has the smaller wrapped in his arms, tucked tightly against his chest. The contact making it easy to breath for the first time in three years.

"I'm sorry, Baek. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry" Chanyeol repeats over and over again as he holds the one man he never wanted to hurt, the one person he was supposed to protect.

Baekhyun relaxes into the taller's arms, breathing in that familiar sent, taking in that familiar warmth and comfort that only comes from one person. This man he use to love more than anything else in this world, this man who he felt he couldn't live without, now he realizes just how true that was.

These past three years Baekhyun hasn't been living, he has just been keeping his head above water, preventing himself from drowning. Never taking in enough air to be satisfied, but enough to keep him alive.

Here, with Chanyeol's arms wrapped around him, his face pressed gently against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart, Baekhyun takes his first full breath he's taken since the day the younger disappeared.

And now that he can finally breath, now that he can finally feel his lungs full and rejoicing in the oxygen tainted with the smell of the giant, he doesn't ever want to let him go. Baekhyun doesn't want to wake up to an empty apartment again.

But he knows that Chanyeol isn't his to keep, no matter how amazing this sudden life raft feels, how amazing it feels to finally be out of the water. He knows that it's only a matter of time before he's back in the water fighting to stay above the surface. 

Baekhyun leans back and stares up at the man he knows he still loves, the man he knows he will always love "don't just tell me you're sorry, show me"

"How?" Chanyeol asks, his own eyes taking on a sparkle with unshed tears.

Baekhyun stands up on his tiptoes and places a small, brief kiss to the others lips "just for an hour or so, till your bags arive, make me forget. Make me feel like like you still love me"

"Baekhyun-"

Baekhyun stops him, placing his fingers to his lips "please, Chanyeol. Please, do this for me, just this one thing"

Chanyeol closes his eyes tightly, an almost pained expression taking on his features. Baekhyun, afraid that he'll get rejected, places his lips on Chanyeol's again, a desperate attempt to get the younger to give him this.

Chanyeol takes a few seconds to respond, but finally with a groan he leans into the kiss, moving his lips with the others, taking lead as he always used to.

Baekhyun tightens his grip around the taller and pulls him closer, while Chanyeol reaches down and grabs Baekhyun by his thighs. He hoists him up and forces the smaller to latch his legs around his waist.

Chanyeol then processed to slam Baekhyun against the fridge, trapping him between his body and the cold stainless steel appliance, all while shoving his tongue inside the brunettes mouth, tasting every bit of him he can reach.

Baekhyun eventually breaks away, breathing deeply, his lungs taking in harsh stuttered drags. Chanyeol doesn't let that stop him, though. He starts an assault on Baekhyun's neck, sucking and nipping at the sensitive flesh making the older tremble.

"Chanyeol" Baekhyun manages to gasp out "bedroom"

Chanyeol nods and tears both of them away from the hard surface, rushing them down the hallway and throwing Baekhyun onto the bed, before quickly joining him. He places both of his hands on either side of the smaller and picks up were they left off, reconnecting their lips.

Baekhyun runs his hands up underneath Chanyeol's shirt, letting his fingers trail over his back, relishing in the familiar feeling of their skin brushing against one another's.

Chanyeol releases Baekhyun's lips and sits up, throwing off his shirt and sitting the other up to do the same to his, then he gently lies Baekhyun back down and starts a trail of kisses. Down his exposed torso, from the neck, to the collar bones, then down the chest, to the abdomen, then back up again, repeating this motion over and over till Baekhyun's skin is on fire and buzzing with an electrical charge.

"Please" Baekhyun gasps out.

Chanyeol stops and leans up seeming to snap out of whatever trance he had been in while nearly worshipping Baekhyun's body. The taller makes short work of their pants and boxers, throwing them carelessly away as if their existence offended him for separating him from the smaller.

He comes back pressing his body against the others, lining their erections up perfectly. A mutual groan passes between them at the pleasure that rolls through their bodies. Chanyeol takes a second to relish in the feeling of Baekhyun against him, no barriers, just skin against skin, the rawest connection known to man.

Baekhyun reaches up and grabs a small bottle out of the drawer beside the bed and handing it to the other. The taller takes it and observers it with furrowed brows.

"Have you slept with other people?" Chanyeol asks, popping the cap open.

Baekhyun sighs "you lost your right to care, Chanyeol. Just... I don't want to think about any of that, just please"

Chanyeol takes in a long breath, the last thing he wants is to to see the smaller boy crying again, so he pushes it out of his mind for a later time, maybe.

He drizzles the substance on his fingers and looks up at the other waiting on his reaction. Adding to his desire, Baekhyun spreads his legs, exposing himself to him and granting Chanyeol permission to ruin him.

The prep time takes little effort much to his disappointment and takes little time, much to his delight. He just wants Baekhyun under him, connected in a way that only two people who know each other's bodies in and out should be.

Once three fingers are stretching into Baekhyun, filling him up and supplying him with a completeness only Chanyeol's have ever been able to. Baekhyuns moans play through the room, a melody Chanyeol has played in his dreams many times.

"You're so beautiful, Baek" Chanyeol whispers into the others ear "so perfect"

"Chanyeol, please" Baekhyun pants, grasping at his arm, pulling his fingers out of his heat "need you"

Chanyeol is quick to comply, slicking up his hardness with lube, and hooking his hands underneath Baekhyuns knees, holding him open. He reaches down and positions himself, looking up at the smaller to get the go ahead and a nod is all it takes before he's pushing into that intoxicatingly warm tightness.

"Ahh" Baekhyun calls out arching his back and throwing his head against the pillow "shit"

Chanyeol groans, trying to stop himself from blowing his load right away "I really don't like how much you cuss now"

Baekhyun pants and grabs onto the back of the others neck "shut up and fuck me"

Chanyeol pulls out slightly and delivers a particularly rough thrust into the boy, receiving a short gasp followed by a moan from the man underneath him. He continues at a rhythm similar to the first, roughly pounding into him, with deep, quick thrusts.

Chanyeol loses himself for a minute, but comes back like he's just been slapped in the face when he looks down to see tears flowing down the side of Baekhyuns face, disappearing into the pillow, his eyes closed tightly.

Chanyeol halts immediately "Baek? Are you ok? Am i hurting you?" He questions, panicked.

Baekhyun opens his eyes surprised as if he didn't expect Chanyeol to pay attatention to him let alone care "I-I'm fine"

"Baek-"

"I'm fine, Chanyeol... Just please don't stop" the smaller says clearly holding back tears.

Chanyeol sighs and leans down letting his lips brush over the others, as he slowly begins to rock into Baekhyun, taking deep, slowly paced thrust. Suddenly making everything more sensual and meaningful.

"No, Chanyeol, this is worse. Please, it was better when it was impersonal, when it didn't mean anything" Baekhyun cries, tying to move his hips to quicken the pace.

"Shhh, Baek" Chanyeol caresses the smallers cheek "I'm right here, you said it yourself, there's too much between us for it to be unfamiliar. Let me make love to you, Baek. Trust me"

Baekhyun sobs out and wraps his arms around Chanyeol's shoulders, pulling him down connecting their chest. Chanyeol breaths into the crook of Baekhyuns neck, taking in the intoxicating sent that he's missed so dearly.

Chanyeol picks Baekhyun up and sits him in his lap, allowing Baekhyun to wrap himself around him completely while he continues to thrust slowly and deeply into the boy, who's rolling his hips to the same rhythm seeming to allow Chanyeol take him the way he wants.

Baekhyun doesn't know how long they stay like that, rocking against one another, grasping desperately onto each other. It's no longer about pleasure, it isn't about a quick release, or a good fuck. No, this is different. Baekhyun knows, this is saying everything that's left to say. This is the apology that could never come out good enough, this is the closure Baekhyun's been looking for since he woke up to an empty bed.

Another sob falls from the small brunette as his release shutters through him and Chanyeol holds on tighter to him finding his own as Baekhyun claps down on him.

Chanyeol starts placing small kisses on Baekhyun's shoulder, not ready to let go of the smaller quite yet.

He lays them down on the bed and pulls Baekhyun to him, wrapping his body around the smaller like a protective barricade, keeping out any pain and darkness that could hurt the precious being resting in his arms.

Chanyeol sighs and place a kiss on the smaller's temple "sleep, Baek. I'm right here"

......

Sometime later, while Baekhyun and Chanyeol are wrapped in each other's arms, lying on the bed, going in between consciousness. A phone rings, cracking the first chip into the glass separating their fantasy world from reality.

Chanyeol sighs and gets up, heading into the other room to retrieve the device. A simple "hello" echoing through the house as if a bomb had just been detonated.

A few short words are exchanged, and the slow exhale after Chanyeol hangs up the phone, tells Baekhyun all he needs to know.

Chanyeol's silloet fills the doorway and Baekhyun looks up with blurry eyes "how much longer?" He croaks out, voice like gravel.

Chanyeol hangs his head "they'll be here in the next twenty minutes"

Baekhyun nods "you can take the shower first. I'm just going to lay here for a little while longer"

"Baek-" Chanyeol starts, but it cut off once again.

"Thank you, Yeol" Baekhyun whispers, but Chanyeol hears it as if he had yelled the words "thank you for giving me that, at least you said goodbye this time"

Baekhyun rolls over, turning his back to the taller and finding himself hoping that the other with be the stubborn pain in the ass he always is and choose to climb back into bed with him.

The sound of the bathroom closing shatters the final piece of the glass and along with it, his heart once again.

 

>>>>>

Baekhyun walks behind him, his feet slowly shuffling towards the door. His heart desperately calls out for him to do something, say something that will get the other to stay, if even for only one more night. Even if it's only for Baekhyun's body and he has no emotional ties to him any longer, he just needs him, just for a couple of hours at least. 

'He can't leave like this' Baekhyun thinks. 

Knowing he's going to leave hurts almost as much as waking up to an empty bed. But his pride and head keep his heart in check, nothing that Baekhyun can say now will stop him from  walking out that door... for a second time now.

It's almost funny, how for two years, Baekhyun told himself over and over again that he wanted nothing more than answers. That he wanted nothing more than the truth of why he left the way he did. But now that Baekhyun knows, he's left feeling hallow, like the only thing that kept him whole all of these years was those damn questions. Now that they have their answers, he knows it wasn't answers that he really wanted. It was just Chanyeol. Baekhyun didn't want a grand gesture of an apology, hell he didn't even want an apology... He just wanted Chanyeol, his best friend, his lover, the only family he had left.

Chanyeol reaches the door and turns back to Baekhyun, giving him an almost confused stare, as if his eyes are seeking for answers Baekhyun hasn't even heard the questions for "Bye, Baek"

A lump forms in Baekhyun's throat, clogging the path for any protest against his departure, all that manages to come out is, "goodbye, Chanyeol"

Chanyeol turns the door knob, slowly as if he's waiting for something, anything to stop him, but nothing comes, so he opens the door and steps over the threshold, letting the door close behind him.

Baekhyun watches the door slowly close. His lungs once again at war with oxygen and his heart making steady work out of the sutures holding together the last wounds the giant left when he disappeared the first time, and creating fresh wounds while its at it.

"No, you know what, fuck this" Baekhyun's head snaps up at the words, his eyes widening at the sight of Chanyeol barging back into the apartment, striding right up to stand inches in front of the smaller.

Baekhyun blinks at the giant, giving the brunette an almost pissed off expression "e-excuse me?"

"I said fuck this, is this really what you want, Baek? Do you really want me to walk out of this door and have that be the end of it?" he asks "can you really watch me walk out of your life, once again and say you feel nothing?"

Baekhyun shakes his head "no, Chanyeol. I can't say I don't feel anything, because this is tearing me apart. I don't want you to leave, I don't want to watch you walk out that door knowing you'll never come back"

"Then why aren't you stopping me? Why aren't you saying anything?"

Something in Bekhyun finally snaps and he pushes on Chanyeol's chest only managing to force him back two steps, but getting his point across as if it had been yards "because I don't want someone who doesn't want me? I don't want to beg someone to stay who clearly wants to leave"

Chanyeol's jaw sets and his expression sets in that intense kind of sincerity "who said I wanted to leave?"

Baekhyun heaves in a breath, his eyes once again becoming glassy "past experience, and you're clearly not making an effort to stay"

Chanyeol sighs "i don't deserve to stay, Baek. Not after what I did"

"Fuck all of that, Chayeol. I fogive you, ok? I know you said you didn't want to be forgiven, but I am, accept it and get over what happened... now tell me what you want? Not want you think you deserve or don't deserve, what do you want?"

Chanyeol takes a deep breath, his lip trembling and his eyes blinking steadily "i want... to see what our wedding will look like, to see what kind of house we'll buy now that we have better jobs, and I want to see how our kids will turn out after all of the things we have to teach them... but most importantly, Baekhyun... I just want you, for the rest of our lives. You and me being buried together side by side type of thing... I want this, Baek. I always have, I was just too stupid to figure that out three years ago"

Tears start to roll freely down Baekhyun's cheeks "Chanyeol, p-please don't mess with me right now, don't say something you don't mean... I won't be able to take you leaving a second time"

Chanyeol places a finger under Baekhyun's chin meeting the gaze of the boy he never stopped loving "I mean it, Baek. leaving you was always my greatest regret. I regretted it the minute I walked out of the apartment, but I never thought you'd want me back after I left. I'm sorry that I did that to you, you were the one part of my life that made it worth living, and I'm so sorry that it took me losing you to realize that.

"There wasn't a single day that I didn't think about you, that I didn't miss you, that I didn't love you. I want you back Baek, and I will spend the rest of my damn life making up for everything I put you through, but I will gladly do so if I can still have you. I'm in this, one hundred percent this time... If you'll have me, that is"

Baekhyun closes his eyes and flings his arms around the tallers neck, pulling him in tightly so there's no space between them "of course you stupid idiot... What took you so damn long?"

Chanyeol chuckles relived and wraps his arms around the smaller's waist "i couldn't see that everything I've ever wanted was right in front of me, but I see it now, Baek... I see you now"

Baekhyun sobs into his neck "never ever leave me again, Park Chanyeol"

Chanyeol nods and tightens his grip "never, I promise..." He pulls back slightly and looks at the smaller "Does this mean I can stay longer than a night"

Baekhyun snorts "it means your staying indefinitely, I'm not letting you walk out that door ever again"

Chanyeol smiles widely at this "well I'm going to have to go to work babe, and i do have a couple friends in the city, I'm not sure I can stay locked away in our apartment"

Baekhyun smacks the giant on the back of the head and pulls back, but only to bring the big idiot down to lock their lips together. Sealing a promise to never leave one another ever again, within them.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Junmyeon stares at the man across the table from him, his eyes narrowed into slits filled with accusation and anger.

"Come on, Junnie. I forgave him, can't you?" Baekhyun pleads, placing a reassuring hand on his boyfriends knee "we've talked everything through. It was a huge mistake and we've put it all behind us"

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, and fixes Baekhyun with a look "even Sehun?"

Chanyeol furrows his own eyebrows and looks at the smaller as well "who's Sehun?"

Baekhyun coughs and shifts awkwardly "he... He was someone I dated after you left, it was only for a brief period of time"

Chanyeol's jaw sets and he sighs "well, I walked away, you had every right to date other people. It was none of my business, it's in the past"

Junmyeon looks back and forth between the reunited couple, then a small smirk takes over his lips "so you two are really back together?"

Baekhyun nods "we really are, and I need to know if you can handle that? That you can forgive Chanyeol too?"

Junmyeon sighs and fixes the youngest with a bone chilling stare "you hurt him again, I'll find a really creative and painful way for you to die. I'm rich Chanyeol, there's no limits for me"

Chanyeol swallows hard "of course, Junmyeon. I swear, I'll never hurt Baekhyun ever again"

Junmyeon takes a deep sigh "ok, fine, I forgive you, get over here stupid" he jumps out of his seat and opens his arms wide, which the giant jumps right into, nearly suffocating his smaller friend.

"Apparently I'm full of forgiveness tonight" Junmyeon says looking over at Yixing and winking "but only for tonight"

Baekhyun and Chanyeol glance at each other a small smirk playing on their lips, full of knowing and amusement. 

"A lot can happen in a night" Baekhyun states, taking his boyfriends hand in his and giving it a squeeze, sending a small thank you to whoever lost Chanyeol's bags at the airport, causing the giant to end up on his doorstep. Back to where he belongs, and not just for tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to come out and say that I'm am complete Baekyeol trash right now, so I hate when Baekyeol fight and honestly I'm a sucker for happy endings, so I hope I did this justice. 
> 
> Truthfully I had the idea of letting Chanyeol just walk out and that be the end of it, but I just couldn't do that, and I wanted a bit of light fluffy/comedy at the end so I added a little buffer at the end, I hope you guys don't mind.
> 
> And I don't know where this came from or why, but I actually kind of like it and hope you guys did too!!


End file.
